How to Give (and Receive) Killer Feedback
10 feedback rules to level up as a creator, entrepreneur, and human being.
These last four years, I…
- did 3500+ coaching sessions
- made 2000+ pieces of content
- grown two profitable businesses
I’ve given and received tons of feedback along the way.
Some useless. Some life-changing.
Here are all the lessons I learned about using feedback to level up as a creator, an entrepreneur, and a human being.
Part 1: Giving feedback.
1) Humans are not rational; we’re emotional.
We are not logical creatures who analyze everything through spreadsheets and statistics.
We have egos. We’re competitive. We hate feeling attacked.
Understand and accept this.
Your criticism may be 100% correct. But if it doesn’t land with the person, they won’t do anything about it.
If you care about their growth, deliver your feedback in a way that makes them feel good about who they are and energizes them to change for the better.
2) Praise the person; criticize the idea.
Notice the difference between these two:
- “Here’s my issue with that perspective.”
- “You’re wrong.”
One attacks a perspective — a concept, idea, or way of thinking. The other attacks the person directly. It labels them as the problem.
It will always hurt more being told we are wrong than our idea is wrong.
But we can also use this to our advantage when sharing something positive.
If you have good things to say, label the person with them. Which of these would you rather hear?
- “That was a good idea.”
- “You come up with good ideas.”
#2 feels like a warm blanket.
3) Ask permission.
Giving unsolicited feedback rarely lands.
It feels like a sucker punch.
Brace them and ask if it’s okay for you to share a thought.
4) With each critique, give a suggestion.
It may feel good to shit all over someone.
But give them options.
Someone in our creator community once made this mistake when another creator asked for feedback on his video.
“The intro didn’t grab my attention,” he shared. “I wanted to click away immediately.”
Okay…That’s useful to know. But is he just supposed to make new intros until he gets it right?
It would’ve been helpful to include actions to take or specific changes to make:
- confirm the title & thumbnail in the first 5 seconds
- explain who you are and what the video is about
- use more vocal variety
Anything other than, “I didn’t like this.”
Share what you didn’t like and what you think they could do to improve it.
5) “I’m sorry you…” is not an apology.
It’s criticism masquerading as saying sorry.
Starting off with “I’m sorry you…” blames the other person and takes zero accountability.
Notice the difference here:
- “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
- “I’m sorry I hurt you by saying that.”
If you don’t want to apologize, that’s fine. Don’t pretend to by apologizing for the other person doing something.
6) Stick with one key idea at a time.
I used to write bulleted lists of 20–30 pieces of feedback when creators asked for it.
Now, I share one key idea or focus point.
There will always be a million things to fix or improve. But sharing it all at once is overwhelming and won’t lead to any meaningful change.
We focus on one part of the script when I run sales role-plays. We drill that one part over and over and over for the entire hour.
They will remember the one piece of feedback you give them. They won’t remember 20.
Part 2: Receiving feedback.
1) Again, we’re emotional beings.
You will most likely get defensive when receiving any kind of feedback.
That’s okay and normal.
Just let those thoughts and feelings happen and listen with intent. Your brain will want to fight back and explain why you did that the way you did.
You will want to find all the ways their feedback is incorrect.
But if this person is genuinely trying to help, just shut up and listen.
2) You don’t have to agree, but you have to be grateful.
You are not obligated to agree with or use any feedback you ever get.
(That will hold you back in life. The choice is yours.)
But if they got your permission and want you to get better…thank them for doing the uncomfortable thing.
We all know folks who can’t wait to give their two cents. But most people aren’t like that. Most people are terrified of saying something that could hurt someone else.
Giving clear and honest feedback can be uncomfortable. If someone is willing to give it to you, make it clear to them that you are open to and grateful for it.
They’re giving you a gift.
3) Specify what you want advice on.
Since too much feedback is overwhelming, help your critic by asking specific questions.
These are too broad:
- “Let me know your thoughts!”
- “Thoughts?”
- “Any and all feedback is welcome.”
My audio isn’t great when I travel. So when I record podcasts and ask for feedback on them, I say this:
“I’m traveling so I know my audio sucks. Please share feedback on the episode's sequencing and storytelling. Does the pacing and order of things make sense? When does it get boring? Etc.”
Then if people tell me my mic is echoing, I smite them and watch their bodies turn to ash.
4) Take advice from people you want to be like.
I used to read personal finance books and dish out money advice to everyone.
Then I remembered I was under a mountain of student loan debt and had shitty money habits.
I stopped giving financial advice, lol.
Don’t take business advice from a guy who’s never owned a business or taken a risk in his life.
Don’t take relationship advice from a girl who’s been in six toxic relationships.
If someone has what you want, ask them how they got it.
If they don’t have what you want, don’t take what they say too seriously.
I’ve had some family members give me life advice. But I don’t want my life to be anything like theirs.
Hope that was useful.
Now go get some feedback.
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